What We Leave Behind
by Kristin Fullerton
Summary: An Emma story line. This is my first attempt at this format so please...r/r!
1. What We Leave Behind

What We Leave Behind  
  
Emma Gellar sat staring at her hands in the middle of her bedroom. She couldn't figure out why it had to happen to her. She'd always been the good girl, the one that all her friends came to for support, she was always the shoulder to cry on, but never the crier. And it was right about now she really needed someone's shoulder to cry on. She couldn't go to her mom and dad, they didn't understand. She couldn't go to Uncle Chandler and Aunt Monica. Well she could, but she didn't want to get in a car any time soon, not that her parents would even let her.   
"How could they have been so stupid. Alyssa and Mallori knew it was the wrong thing to do, but they did it anyway. That's so typical. I'm the strong one...but why do I feel so weak?"  
  
Emma collapsed back onto her bed in silent body shaking sobs. Her two best friends in the whole world were gone. She'd never see them again and her last words to them were somewhat less than friendly. Someone knocked on Emma's door.  
"Em? Honey? Are you okay?" came her mom's voice  
"Yeah mom, I'm fine." She said trying to make herself sound fine.  
"No you're not. Honey, I won't lie and say I know what you're going through. Because I haven't. I know loosing 1 friend must hurt, I cant imagine loosing your two best friends." She said while stroking Emma's hair.  
"It's not fair mom. Why them? Why me? This just doesn't make sense. It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not FAIR!" Emma said burying her head into her mom's chest.  
"I know honey, I know." Rachel said while gently rocking her eldest daughter.  
  
After about 15 minutes of silent rocking Rachel realized her daughter's tense body had gone limp. She looked down and realized her baby had finally fallen asleep. She gently laid her daughter down on her pillow and covered her shivering body with a blanket. She leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead. Rachel slowly tip-toed out of Emma's room and closed the door.  
  
Rachel walked into the next room and saw her six year old daughter Kylie looking worried.  
"Mommy? Why is Emma crying?" Kylie asked  
"Well, you know Mallori and Alyssa?" Rachel asked her while picking her up to sit her in her lap  
"Yep. They're the nice girls that use to come over all the time." Said the little girl  
"Well, last night Mallori and Alyssa were in a car accident and they wont be coming over any more." Rachel said trying to fight back tears  
"Oh. Well they're with the angels now aren't they?" The little blonde girl asked  
"Yes honey, they are." Rachel said kissing the top of Kylie's head. "Now, it's time for you to go to sleep honey."  
"Is Emma going to be okay?" the little girl asked looking worried for her sister  
"It might take a while, but I think she'll be okay." Rachel said.   
"I love you Mommy"  
"I love you too honey"  
Rachel took a deep breath as she left her youngest daughters bedroom. It didn't seem fair to her that her daughter was so young, only 16, but she already had been through so much. She took a deep breath as she entered her bedroom.  
"How's she doing?" Ross asked   
"Not very well." Rachel said as she flopped onto the bed. It was only eight in the evening but it felt like three in the morning. The entire family, except for Kylie, had been up since 6am the day before when they got up to go to work. None of them had slept for more than an hour the night before. Emma had gone to a party and her two best friends Mallori and Alyssa had gotten drunk, and instead of letting Emma drive them home they went home with Alyssa's boyfriend who was also drunk. The night ended early for the girls when Bryan, Alyssa's boyfriend, wrapped the car around a tree killing the two girls and breaking his neck. The Gellar's had gotten a phone call from Mr. & Mrs. Andersen at midnight that night telling them that both girls were in a car accident. The Andersen's hadn't told them much but Emma had insisted on going to the hospital. Rachel went with her but Ross stayed behind with Kylie because she didn't need to be exposed to that. Rachel and Emma had gotten to the hospital less than 5 minutes before Alyssa passed away. The Andersen's had been nice enough to let Emma stay with her friend in her last few minutes with them. They'd been best friends since Kindergarten and were making plans to move into an apartment together at the end of their senior year. But it looked like Emma would have to face her Senior year alone. After they pronounced Alyssa dead, Emma insisted on staying anyway. She sat there by her best friend with her best friend's parents, just remembering and crying. Rachel had finally taken her home at about 5 that morning, but Emma refused to sleep. She sat in her room and stared blankly at the wall. No one could comfort her. The actual first words she'd spoken since the night before were to Rachel before she finally fell asleep.   
"I'm worried about her honey." Rachel said standing up and hugging her husband  
"Me too honey, me too." Ross said gently swaying with his wife.  
  
  
The next morning  
  
Rachel and Ross are sitting at the kitchen table with Kylie. Rachel has been on the phone with Monica for the past hour and a half. They're all eating scrambled eggs and bacon when Emma walks in.   
"Hey honey. You hungry?" Rachel asked  
"No not really." Emma said with the same blank expression that had crossed her face for the past 24 hours.  
"You need to eat. You can't keep going like this if you don't eat." Ross said gingerly  
Emma sat down and fixed herself a small portion of eggs that she just poked at with her fork for a while. She took a few bites and asked to be excused. When she got back into her bedroom she sat down and pulled out the stack of her and Alyssa's "books". They'd always kept a notebook of notes, since like the 2nd grade. Emma picked up the faded and tattered purple notebook that she knew was the oldest and started looking through it. All the notes were written in large child hand-writing and were all pretty much "Boys are icky". She closed the notebook and put it back with the others. She looked back at the stack and saw the one notebook she recognized the most. The bright blue one they'd used up until yesterday. She opened the page to Alyssa's last note to her.  
  
5-13-18  
  
Em,  
  
Hey honey! How are ya? I'm good, Chem is boring (as usual). Are you excited about Jake's party tonight? I know I am! Bryan is gonna come too and he's bringing, get this. His dad's Mustang! I can't wait! Is Jeremy coming? You should make him come...I think he'd actually have fun for once. We need to work on that boyfriend of yours. He spends way too much time studying. But I know you like 'em smart so. Yeah. Anyway, did you hear about Mallori's older sister? You know how she just got married in like December right? Yeah she's ALREADY pregnant! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! She's like three months pregnant. Mannnn they worked fast! Anyway, crotchety old Helman is coming over here again. I'm gonna go before he catches me! Love ya and see you next period!  
  
Always,  
Lyssie  
  
  
Emma felt tears welling up in her eyes as she read the final words of the note. They had so much to look forward to. The concert next weekend, senior year, going out with Jeremy and Bryan on Friday...but now it was all gone.   
"12 years of friendship, and all I've got left is a stack of notebooks and a wealth of memories. It's not fair. Why God why? Why them. Why my Lyssie and Mal? They were only 16. 16! Its not fair!" she cried as she slammed her head back down on the pillow.  
"Em? Honey? Phone call for you." Came her mom's voice from outside her hallway.  
"I don't want to talk to anyone." She said into her pillow  
"I think you need to take this one." Rachel said with an infliction of sadness in her voice  
Emma wiped her eyes and cleared her throat before she took the phone. "Hello? Oh, Hi Mrs. Andersen. I'm doing okay...but the real question is how are you? Well that's understandable. You want me to...do what? Speak? I don't know if I can Mrs. Andersen. But I'll try. I'll honestly try. Give Mr. Andersen and Bethany a hug for me okay? 'Bye."  
  
Emma hung up the phone and stared at her mom. "They want me to speak at Lyssie's funeral, tomorrow."  
"Honey do you think you're up to it?" she asked rushing over to sit beside her daughter  
"I don't know, but I've got to try. I owe it to Lyssie. I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't." Emma said with a faint smile.   
"Alright honey. I'll be downstairs with Kylie if you need me." Her mom said as she left the room.  
Emma walked over and turned on her computer. She stared blankly at the screen for a few minutes before she finally started to type. After she got started the words just seemed to pour out of her fingertips. All her emotion, there on the screen. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to get through it all the next day, but she'd be damned if she didn't try. Emma printed out what she wanted to say and shut down the computer. She walked over to her dresser and opened the drawer. The shirt on the top of all her pajamas was one Lyssie had left at her house the week before. Just a plain light blue t-shirt. Emma picked up the shirt and hugged it. She laid the shirt carefully on the dresser and put on some pajamas. She picked the shirt up again and held it close to her. She walked over to her bed, got under the covers and fell fast asleep with the shirt held tight in her arms. She slept so soundly she didn't even hear it when her mom and dad came to check on her.  
"She's finally asleep." Ross said quietly  
"Yeah, and she needs to stay that way." Rachel whispered. Rachel crossed the room and covered her daughter with an extra blanket and noticed the shirt the teenager held in her arms. "Honey, it's Alyssa's shirt. She's sleeping..." Rachel started to say but got too choked up to finish. She hurried back across the room and melted into Ross's arms. As they turned to leave the room they heard their daughter mumble,  
"Lyssie! There you are! You left your shirt..." 


	2. In the Arms of an Angel

In The Arms of an Angel  
  
Emma woke up with a start. She'd been dreaming about Alyssa and Mallori again. She still couldn't believe they were gone. She slowly pulled herself out of bed and went downstairs to eat breakfast. Her mom was already dressed in her black dress and was eating a bowl of cereal while talking to her Aunt Monica on the phone.  
"So it's okay if I drop Kylie off at your place in about 20 minutes? Okay good. I'm sure she'll have fun with Riley. Well Emma's up so I've gotta go. Love you too Mon. See you in a bit" Rachel said as she hung up the phone.  
"Morning mom." Emma said as she sat down at the table and began to fix her a bowl of cereal.  
"Morning sweetie. How are you doing?" Rachel asked looking right into Emma's big blue eyes.  
"I'm okay I guess. I think I'll be better after today is over." Emma said while slowly spooning cereal into her mouth.  
Rachel got up and went around to hug her eldest daughter. Emma didn't return the hug but Rachel knew she wanted to. Emma finished eating her small portion of cereal and went upstairs to get dressed. She took a shower and wrapped her hair up in a towel and walked over to where her black dress was hanging. She slowly took it off the rack and put it on. Alyssa had helped her pick the dress out the month before so she figured it was fitting to wear to her best friend's funeral. She went and blow-dried her hair and put on the necklace that she and Alyssa had called their "friendship" necklace. It wasn't much, just a silver chain with a little heart pendant on it, but they'd had them since the fourth grade. She picked up her speech that was sitting on her dresser and went downstairs. Her mom and dad were already waiting with Kylie by the door. They all went out and got in the car and drove down the road. Rachel got out of the car and walked Kylie to the front door. Emma's Aunt Monica opened the door and let Kylie in, she turned to Rachel and gave her the biggest bear hug Emma had ever seen in her life. Looking at her mom and her best friend just made the hole in Emma's heart seem even bigger. They'd been best friends since High School, and nothing like this had ever happened to them. As she started at her mom and her aunt she saw the two ladies slowly melt away into Lyssie and herself. Emma felt tears welling up into her eyes and shook her head to get rid of the image.   
Ross glanced back into the rear view mirror and saw the tears in his daughter's eyes and asked, "Em? Are you okay?"  
"Yeah dad, I'm fine" she replied furiously wiping the tears from her eyes  
Rachel got back into the car and Emma noticed her mascara was running. Before she could say anything her mom wiped her eyes and turned on the radio. The trio drove the rest of the way in silence, all alone in their own thoughts and caught up in their own memories. Ross thinking about his days with Chandler and Rachel thinking of hers with Monica. When the car pulled up to the funeral home Emma got out of the car slowly, still trying to believe that it actually happened. She slowly walked up to the building in-between her mom and dad. She had sworn to herself that she would not cry like a baby, but when they walked in the doors of the building and she saw the sign saying, "Friends and Family of Alyssa Jacqueline Andersen" she completely lost it. Emma collapsed into a fit of tears on her dad's shoulder. Her dad stroked her air and kissed her on top of her head.  
"Honey we don't have to stay," said her mom taking her daughters hand.  
"Yes we do. She is...was my best friend, I can't leave her now." Emma said standing up.   
The Gellars walked over to the room where Alyssa's open casket was displayed.  
"Now honey you don't have to do this." Rachel said putting her hand on her daughter's shoulder  
"Yes I do." Emma said shaking it off and walking up to the casket trying to hold herself together. She had to do it for Alyssa's sake. She got up to the casket and looked down at her best friend. She looked like she was sleeping. Her deep auburn hair resting softly against her shoulders. Emma reached down to touch her friend's hand and gave it a squeeze. She looked at the necklace around her friend's neck and realized it was the same one she had on. She sat staring at the necklace for a long minute before reaching up and unclasping her own. She reached down and placed hers around Alyssa's neck and looking up to make sure it was okay with Alyssa's parents, she unclasped the one around Alyssa's neck and put it on her own. She leaned down and gave her best friend in the whole world one last kiss on the cheek before her parents slowly led her away. They led her into the sanctuary where the ceremony would take place and took a seat in the third row. Emma pulled the folded up pieces of paper from her purse. As she pulled out the papers a picture fluttered to the ground. She looked down and realized it was the prom picture from last year. Alyssa had insisted they take one together. Emma looked at the picture and remembering that night began to smile. She put the picture back in her purse and leaned her head up against her mom's shoulder. It felt good to be next to someone that you loved in a time you were hurting so bad you couldn't see straight.   
After the opening prayer, the pastor said, "I understand that there are some friends and family members who would like to say some things in remembrance of Alyssa. Emma Gellar?"  
Emma took a deep breath and stood up. She walked up to the pulpit and sat the papers down on it. She lifted her eyes to the mass of people in the sanctuary and began to recite what she wanted to say.  
"My name is Emma Gellar, and Lyssie was my best friend. I've written out a whole speech to give, but at the moment parts of it don't seem appropriate. I remember the first time I met Lyssie. It was in Kindergarten, Mrs. Townland's class. She was sitting next to me and bragged about how many crayons she had. I retaliated by pulling her hair. That hair pull got us both started and we ended up giggling and got ourselves in trouble, and from that point on, we were best friends. No questions asked. We shared everything. Heartache, triumph, memories, pain, lunches, and heck, even a boyfriend or two. And now she's gone. I know it doesn't seem fair to any of us, and I've thought about it a lot over the past two days. This is going to sound really corny, and probably really stupid. But I feel a lot safer knowing she's up there watching over me and she's up there on my side. So when I screw up she can say 'Hey God! Ignore that! Em just had a blonde moment, that's all". She's up there, watching over me. And well, I found a song that kind of fits how I think we're all feeling right now. And, I'd like to sing it, if that's okay."  
Emma walked out from behind the pulpit and handed a man a CD and he put it in the player. Emma walked back up the pulpit and took a deep breath. The music started and she began to sing in a sweet soprano,  
  
"Spend all your time waiting  
for that second chance  
for a break that would make it okay  
there's always one reason  
to feel not good enough  
and it's hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction  
oh beautiful release  
memory seeps from my veins  
let me be empty  
and weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight  
  
in the arms of an angel  
fly away from here  
from this dark cold hotel room  
and the endlessness that you fear  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
of your silent reverie  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort there  
  
so tired of the straight line  
and everywhere you turn  
there's vultures and thieves at your back  
and the storm keeps on twisting  
you keep on building the lie  
that you make up for all that you lack  
it don't make no difference  
escaping one last time  
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees  
  
in the arms of an angel  
fly away from here  
from this dark cold hotel room  
and the endlessness that you fear  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
of your silent reverie  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort there  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort here"  
  
The music stopped and Emma slowly bowed her head for a moment. "Lyssie is up there, in the arms of an angel, watching over all of us. I love you Lyssie, and I miss you already." 


End file.
